Phantom Pain

Burning, Burning. Writhing. Yearning.

Home is what I hope I’m Earning

In this hopeless plight on Earth.

My worth. My life. My birth. I’m dying.

 

Blood-soaked bandages – I’m bleeding

From an inner harbor damaged.

Damned – my soul for all it’s worth.

Its plea. Its hope. Its love. I’m dying.

 

Ripped away from bleeding innards.

Anguish plays the role as savior.

I must lose my deepest part.

He’s hot. He’s cold. He’s gone. I’m dying.

 

I still feel my soul – though absent.

Burning, writhing, yearning, bleeding.

Pain in phantom harbor aches.

I lose. I weep. I bleed. I’m dying.

2012
02/18
CATEGORY
Uncategorized
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Imitation of Christ. On having a humble opinion of oneself.

True self-knowledge makes you aware of your own worthlessness and you will take no pleasure in the praises of others. If your knowledge encompasses the universe and the love of God is not in you, what good will it do you in God’s sight?

  • Here is the hard part of reading anything that takes this concept seriously (The Imitation of Christ - Deitrich Bonhoeffer, a German, Lutheran pastor during the height of the Nazi regime wrote a similar discourse, The Cost of Discipleship): it’s not an easy road; it’s not a road of grandeur; it’s not a calling to the life we know in our selfish, inhumane, capitalist society. All signs of our society point to ourselves. What can I do for others? What can I do for this or that company? What can I do to support the Church? How can I participate in this or that activity? What can I do for myself? Not all of these seem all that guilty of selfish motives due to the mask of innocence placed within  the syntax. Here is one I’ve recently been focusing on because I see myself doing it so often:
  • What can I do for others? This question seems as though it is a part of the Imitation of Christ, but in this form I would say it is not. Charity is, of course part of the Imitation of Christ, but so is humility. The trouble with saying that I can do anything for others, is that it is not humble. Recently, a friend of mine suddenly lost her sister (she was in her mid-twenties). In a situation like this, my mind immediately begins to race … what can I say to her … what can I do for her … I want to let her know that I care … that I understand to some degree. Ouch. Her pain just became my self-centered thinking. I think the humble spirit would retract in such a circumstance and realize there is nothing I can do or say. If only in situations I could see my own worthlessness … if only I didn’t take pleasure in the praises of others. Isn’t this why I try to be there for others … isn’t this why I am charitable? If I love God, and am humble in myself, thinking myself the lowest of servants … words will come out as love; actions will be unseen; charity will be an expense.

Nothing is so beneficial as a true knowledge of ourselves, which produces a wholesome self-contempt. Always think kindly of others, while holding yourself as nothing; this is true wisdom and leads to perfection. If you see another commit a grievous sin, or whose faults are flagrant, do not regard yourself as better, for you do not know what you would do if similarly tempted. You are in good disposition now, but you do not know how long you will persevere in it. Always keep in mind that all are frail, but none so frail as yourself.

  • True charity … thinking others greater than yourself. Unless we know the intricacies of the lives of others, we cannot know the temptations they suffer. We hardly can keep track of the intricacies of our own lives.
2012
01/25
CATEGORY
Humility
Imitation of Christ
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Imitation of Christ. On Following Christ our Model.

“Make it your aim to meditate on the life of Jesus Christ”

  • My aim in creating this new blog is for personal reflection. I will be reflecting largely on The Imitation of Christ by Thomas A Kempis as well as other bits of life that might spur on meditation and reflection. I am writing these things merely as personal reflections which are meant in no way to be absolute truths of the church, for I am neither a scholar nor a teacher of these things. I will not mind to have some input if it is from considerate and caring resources that have no motive other than mine, which is to more fully understand the Christian life.

“Those who fully understand Christ’s words must labor to make their lives conform to his.”

  • The point is made that the Spirit of Christ must be with us to not only read the Gospel, but to fully understand it. The best we could do is to admit that without His Spirit we are unable to receive the Gospel. So, naturally, the very first thing we must do (if we truly want to receive the Gospel) is to ask for the “Spirit of Christ.” With this Spirit, we can understand that Christ’s words will not demand that our lives conform to his … they will draw our lives into his. We would consider it pure joy whenever we faced trials. We would will ourselves to live obediently. Not out of necessity or fear as we commonly think of the term, but out of reverence and understanding of what this life in Christ truly is.

“How foolish to wish for a long life, but not care whether it is a good life; to be concerned only with the present, with never a thought of eternity and the endless joy that awaits you.”

  • This is true in my life; it is only when I ponder the idea of death from this life, that I think on whether or not I have led a good life. My understanding is that here “good” is meant as it did in the beginning … without void … without chaos; in other words, with the Breath of God. Elsewhere in this book Kempis writes, “If you would think more often about death than of a long life, you would be more eager to amend your life.” How true that 1) if I thought more often about death I would be more eager to amend my life and make it “good”; and 2) having amended my life, be more pleased with the thought of death from this life with the glorious expectation of the “endless joy that awaits [me]“.
2012
01/12
CATEGORY
Imitation of Christ
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